Your Body is Made Up of Billions of...

Chris: Girls, what do you think is the smallest living thing?
Eliana: Trout?

Good Try

scene: reviewing vocabulary words

Me: What is a philosopher?
Eliana: Someone who thinks about floss?

I Must Look Older Than I Thought

Have you seen ElfYourself.com? It's a website that allows you to upload pictures of your loved ones faces and put them on the bodies of dancing elves. You then get to watch your elf self dancing in a variety of genres. Our girls look forward to doing this every Christmas season, and this year was no exception.

Tonight, while watching the videos, we came to the Charleston dance, which appears to run on an old-timey, black-and-white reel. I mentioned that this elf video was my favorite, to which Eliana responded, "Does it remind you of your childhood, Mom?"

Life in Slow Motion

Eliana: I wish I could just be a kid forever! Well, I mean...I want to be a grown-up, just not slow.

So I've Noticed

Eliana: Mom, sometimes I feel like I don't want to stop moving.

Yes, That Would Be Rather Disturbing, Wouldn't It?

[scene: The children are watching our neighbor's tall tree being chainsawed into pieces from the top down.]

Evangeline: If I were the tree, I wouldn't like that.

Want To Take Another Guess?

Eliana: Do I have to be 8 to get my own phone?

Bless Her Heart

Anastasia: My heart is pretty!

Asking For Our Inheritance a Bit Early, Are We?

Evangeline: Mom, can you give me some of your money? Because I'm almost 5.

Silly Dad! Clothes are For People!

Chris: Evangeline, why don't you have any clothes on?
Evangeline: That's how you know I'm a real dinosaur!

Alabama...is a Matter of Perspective

scene: driving down a road in Ohio
Evangeline: In a minute, we will drive out of our country, and then we will be able to see it.
Eliana: No, everything you see is a part of our country. You'd have to go to Africa, Asia, Australia, Alabama or South America to be out of our country!

'Tis a Mystery

Eliana: I had a dream last night that we went to the beach! But it was...weird. That happens sometimes. God gives me the dream I want, but it's weird. I mean, weird? Really?

Sure, Dear, Right After We Buy a Yacht to Sail Around the World

Evangeline: Dad, instead of doing movie night this Friday, could we go for a ride in a space ship?

At Least She's Honest

Anastasia: Mom, I want your food.
Me: No, Anastasia. You can't have Mommy's food.
Anastasia: Mommy, you makin' me sad!
Me: But if you eat my food, then I'll be sad. Do you care if Mommy is sad?
Anastasia: No!

Interview with My Daughters

1. What is something mom always says to you?

E1 (6 years old): I love you.

E2 (4 years old): I love you.

A (2 years old): No, I don't want to play that game.

2. What makes mom happy?

E1: cake

E2: when we show funny faces at her

A: No, I'm sick. (She's not.)

3. What makes mom sad?

E1: when you disobey

E2: when we disobey

A: [leaves room]

4. How does your mom make you laugh?

E1: by showing a funny face

E2: by singing a silly song

5. What was your mom like as a child?

E1: She had nice black hair all the way down to here. [points to waist]

E2: a kid

6. How old is your mom?

E1: Almost 29, but 28 right now.

E2: 20

7. How tall is your mom?

E1: 100 feet tall. No wait...Where's a ruler? No, you are 100 inches!

E2: This tall. [spreads arms wide apart]

8. What is her favorite thing to do?

E1: school

E2: playing games with us

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?

E1: She falls asleep on the couch.

E2: watches over Anastasia

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?

E1: for teaching her children how to ice skate (Is this supposed to be a hint?)

E2: her children

11. What is your mom really good at?

E1: making desserts

E2: fixing things

12. What is your mom not very good at?

E1: climbing a big mountain

E2: building a playset

13. What does your mom do for a job?

E1: She works around the house all day. You know, you wash the clothes. You dry the clothes. You sort the clothes. You fold the clothes. You put away the clothes. You feed Hosea. You wash the dishes. You do school with us and a bunch of other stuff!

E2: School

14. What is your mom's favorite food?

E1: Chinese food

E2: chicken

15. What makes you proud of your mom?

E1: when she wins a game

E2: when she eats her food all gone

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

E1: She has long, black hair like Princess Jasmine.

E2: Gigi's mom

17. What do you and your mom do together?

E1: school

E2: play games

18. How are you and your mom the same?

E1: We have long hair, and we look a lot alike.

E2: I want to be done now.

19. How are you and your mom different?

E1: We don't have the same color hair, and she's a grown-up and I'm a kid.

E2: I don't know.

20. How do you know your mom loves you?

E1: She gives me hugs and kisses and a bunch of love.

E2: 'cause she keeps saying that to me

21. What does your mom like most about your dad?

E1: She's married to him.

E2: I'm tired of this.

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?

E1: Panera, with me!

E2: [leaves room]

If You Ever Find the Pocket Fairy, Tell Her I Would Like to Speak With Her, Too

[Scene: Anastasia has just put on her hoodie and is pleased to discover that she now has pockets in which to place her hands.]

Anastasia: I have pockets! I have pockets!
(slight pause as her hands settle in)
Anastasia [looking serious and inquisitive]: Where's my money?

When "Everyday Talk" Goes Too Far

[Scene: Anastasia & Evangeline are eating at the child-sized indoor picnic table when Anastasia asks Chris if he will sit beside her. Chris explains to Anastasia that he cannot sit there because he is too big.]

Evangeline: Yeah, because your bottom is bigger than ours, right?
Dad: Yes.
Evangeline: And [names censored out of courtesy]'s bottoms are bigger than yours. And JESUS's bottom is bigger than EVERYBODY's because he is bigger than EVERYTHING!

Reverse Psychology Works Well With This Age

Chris: We need to put on our pajamas.
Anastasia: No!
Chris: What are you going to do? Stay up all night?
Anastasia: No, I need to go to bed!

We Wouldn't Want to Take Ourselves TOO Seriously, Now Would We?

Evangeline: See what a good job I'm doing [holding Hosea]! Daddy, call me "mini-mom!"
Aunt R: Are you a mini-mom?
Evangeline: Of course not, Aunt R. That's just a joke!
Aunt R: You tell so many jokes. Is anything you do very serious?
Evangeline: (thinking)
Chris: What about CC (our homeschool co-op/curriculum)?
Evangeline: Well, yes, CC is serious for me......sometimes.

What Verse was That Again?

Evangeline: Aunt R, can you please go destroy my sister?
Aunt R: Destroy?
Evangeline: Yes, the Bible says grown-ups can destroy children if they disobey!